High Self Expectations – A Gift or a Curse?
How do you know if your expectations of yourself are helping you or if they are the source of your pain?
How do you know when that drive to be better is healthy and when it goes too far?
What it comes down to is the reason you have the expectation in the first place.
- Am I running away from something? Or toward something?
- Am I trying to prove something, and if so, to whom?
- What do I make it mean when I fail?
- What am I trying to get? Why is that so important?
How you answer those questions will help you better understand the reason behind that expectation.
Below are some more details to help you decide whether you are gifting – or cursing – yourself.
When high self-expectations are a gift…
When high expectations come from a feeling of curiosity and a desire for growth, they can serve as healthy fuel.
These high expectations can become a roadmap to help you move forward. From this feeling of curiosity, you are allowing yourself to test out new things in order to achieve the expectations you’ve set for yourself. And you know that when you fail, it doesn’t change how you feel about your worth.
Because nothing you’re doing is coming from a place of judgment. Instead, the failure serves as a data-point of one more way you’ve found doesn’t work, thus getting you one step closer to what does.
When high self expectations are a curse…
When these high expectations come from a place of fear, then they’ll only hold you back. When you’re cursing yourself, your drive to meet the expectation come from the desire to prove something or portray a certain image, even if it’s just to yourself. It may feel like a gnawing worry or sense of unease about what will happen if you fail. And, you let whether or not you achieve that expectation determine whether your good enough or of value. So you constantly judge yourself as an attempt to try to fuel yourself forward. The problem is, all this tends to do is beat you down. You are cursing yourself with those high-expectations because you’re making your worth contingent upon if you achieve them.
In the end, you’re setting yourself up for failure because how can you be successful in achieving these expectations when you are so worried about what’s going to happen if you don’t?
If you notice you are cursing yourself…
There is a way out. Because the curse is coming from your reason for setting that expectation in the first place. You get to decide if you like the reason. Or, if it’s only going to cause you suffering and hold you back. If you don’t like the reason, drop it. If you’re finding it’s hard to do so – then ask yourself why. What is your brain getting out of holding onto it so closely?
Remember, you get to decide what you want to expect of yourself and why that is important. And you get to decide what it means when you fail.