Insecurity does NOT come from your personality


Insecurity is a part of being human. But where does it come from?

There is a mistaken idea that it is something that is a part of our personality. Like it’s something we are just born with, or something that happens to us because of a situation we are in.

But that isn’t the root of it. And believing that it is, like it’s some external thing that we are all of the sudden burdened with, we only set ourselves up to feel worse.

So if insecurity isn’t just our personality, and it isn’t something external that happens to us…

Then where does insecurity come from?

Insecurity is really just a feeling. And, our feelings stem from our thoughts. Thoughts about who we are, and how we show up in the world. This is why often times when we feel insecure chronically, we can start to believe it’s part of our personality.

But in that case, what’s really happening is our brain is repeatedly thinking the same thoughts over and over – the ones that lead to insecurity. And as such, we continually feel insecure.

But by knowing it is not a part of our personality and instead comes from our thoughts, it gives us the power to choose whether we want to keep feeling that way.

How do we choose not to feel insecure?

  1. You need to build awareness of the thoughts that are leading to that insecurity in the first place. This will point you to the true source – the specific thought – that is creating the feeling of insecurity
  2. Question whether that thought is even true. Our brains feed us the same thoughts, on repeat, because it’s easy. It never stops to question whether the thought is valid. And oftentimes, we don’t either. But if we can play devil’s advocate to our own brain, we can free ourselves from buying into thoughts that don’t help us.
  3. Find evidence for how the exact opposite of that thought is true. Ask yourself, in what ways am I already secure, confident? Your brain will find the evidence – all you have to do is ask.

By following these steps, you can take charge of your own feelings of security. And while this doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel insecure again, what it will do is give you the chance to own it when it does happen, and the tools for how to move forward.

You can feel secure in knowing that insecurity is something that you can overcome. It’s not just a part of your personality. It’s in your power to choose whether or not to feel it.

This blog post is an adaption from what Lisa originally shared when she was featured in the UpJourney article, Why Are People Insecure?