business woman walking

Why Fake it Til You Make it Only Gets You So Far


We’ve all heard the phrase, Fake it Til You Make It!

And as well-intentioned as that concept is, it can only get us so far when it comes to confidence.

Because it implies that our actions create our confidence. That by standing a certain way, talking a certain way, portraying a certain image, it will seep into us somehow and then ta-daaa! We will be confident.

Here’s the problem with this.

It isn’t lasting. It’s like a smoke screen masking the real reason why we feel more confident.

Our confidence is a feeling. And our feelings come from how we think about a situation. So even if you find you are “faking it” in some way and then feel more confident – it’s not because of the faking it. It’s because of what you made the faking it mean.

Let’s apply this to an example –

Let’s say you purposely stand how you imagine a confident person would stand. You think, “Okay, confident people stand this way – so this will make me confident.” Then your brain responds accordingly. Hearing that it’s the key to confidence, it will create that outcome for you.

On the other hand, let’s say you purposely stand how you imagine a confident person would stand and think, “Ugh this is ridiculous and so not me. I feel like I am putting on such a show. I hope no one can tell – Oh my gosh what if they can tell? They’ll just think I’m a joke!” Then your brain responds accordingly. Hearing that you’re a joke, that will be your result. You’ll show up standing tall, but feeling small, and it will come out in what you feel, say, decide, or do.

Bottom line, regardless of what you do, your brain will create whatever reality going on in your head for you.

So the faking it can only work if you use it to create evidence for yourself for how you can be that confident person. Of how you are strong, capable, and able to show up how you want to show up.

Faking it will only get you as far as your mindset in the moment of the faking.

What I recommend instead –

Determine how you want to feel, and then ask yourself how you would need to think about yourself to feel that way. Practice that thought, and truly feeling how that thought feels, and your body language will naturally follow suit – no faking or forcing required.